what to do?

ever get to a point in your life when you are at a crossroads and wondering which direction to go?
I am  there this week

I want to go one way but feel like other things force me to go a different direction.
It is frustrating and hard to deal with at times.

do I do what I want or what I should do?
do I throw caution to the wind and take a chance?

I know only I can make this decision and only I will have to live with it.
But I’m still floundering…..wondering which way to go???

wanderlust

I have had the wanderlust of late.
I think it is mostly because I have cancelled three vacations in the last six months and it depresses me.
I’ve canceled them because I have felt the money would be better spent elsewhere than on a vacation.
however my head and heart hurt because I feel like I need a vacation.
Does that make sense?
It does to me.

I would love to be able to just pack up and go some place warmer.
The Virgin Islands come to mind.

I would like to go over seas to Africa

Or even go to Haiti and  help out there however I could.

Just to go some place and spend some time away from the hum drum mundane existence of every day life.

Damn why can’t I be rich?

where to find the guts……

My niece had the guts to walk away from her marriage and take a path to do something different with her life.

I heard through the grapevine that another niece and her husband are separating.

And I wonder, where do they find the guts to just up root their lives and their families to do what they feel like they need to do?

I would even go so far as to say “Don’t they have a conscience?” but I am not judging and I honestly believe that every one has a right to be happy no matter what they have to do or who they end up hurting  to get that happiness.
We all only live once.

however I do wonder where people get the guts to put themselves first?
sometimes I wish I had that kind of back bone, or more simply,……the guts to put me first.

for some reason I just feel like if I put me first, everyone would hate me in the long run.
And I’m not sure I know how to just be me, without putting my kids and grand kids first.

So yeah, I’m a wimp, a person who will let life pass her by, because I am too worried about who I would be if not for a wife, a mother and grandmother.

?????

Back among the living

Ugh, I have had a miserable couple of days.
Went to get a tooth pulled on Tuesday, (talk about painful) and then got a bad reaction to the codeine they put me on for pain.
It was worse than getting the tooth pulled.
Got up yesterday morning to take a shower, had to sit down on the bathtub floor and go through the motion of having dry heaves for a few minutes.
Got out and barely got dressed in to my bra and underpants and was back in bed, willing myself to slip into unconsciousness so I could get rid of the light-headedness and nausea.
I was sick all day with it.
Every time I moved I was nausated and every time I got up I felt like I was going to faint.
SO sick.
Thank God today I am better.
I still get light headed now and then, but nothing compared to yesterday.
I am happy to say I am at work and among the living again.

I’m just going to say it

I honestly don’t know how people do it in Seattle and other cities where the sun rarely shines.
It is depressing.
I was driving home the other day in a bad mood and yes even feeling depressed and I thought to myself, what the heck is the matter?
And I realized, I haven’t seen the sun in days.
Weeks
And it is depressing.
Too much so.
I NEED sunshine!
I need to feel the warmth it brings.
I am like everyone else in Iowa very sick of winter.
Maybe one day I will get to vacation like a snow bird and go south for these long depressing winters.

above

this is a picture of myself when I was in Utah last April with my husband and daughter.
We were at the Arches National Park.
It was beautiful there and incredibly warm
I plan to go back this April with my sister.
I can’t wait!!!

I need some sunshine

we have been living under clouds for some time now.
Too long.
I literally feel like my body is slowly turning into a zombie with no sunlight.
I thrive on the sun.
I will stand or sit in front of a window on a freezing cold Iowa winter day, just to get some sunlight if I am lucky enough to have the sun shining.
We haven’t had much luck with it of late.
I think it has been over a week since the sun peeked through the clouds.
Very depressing.
This ice and cold today isn’t helping it either.

Darn it.

Pass me a biscuit

when I was a kid, my mom liked to make breakfast for dinner, now and then, and I remember one night in particular when she made breakfast for dinner after a long day at work

on that evening not so long ago, my mother placed a plate of eggs, sausages and extremely burnt biscuits in front of my father

I remember wondering if any of my siblings had noticed!

yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit and smear it with jam and eat it with a smile on his face as he asked me how my day at school was.

I don’t remember what my response was but I do remember him eating every bit of that burnt biscuit!

Later as mom was doing the dishes I heard her apologize to my dad for the burnt biscuits and I will never forget what he said, his reply to her was “Honey I love your burnt biscuits”

Later that night when he was tucking me into bed I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burnt.
he wrapped me in his arms and said “Your mother put in a hard day at work today and she was really tired.  Besides a little burnt biscuit didn’t ever hurt anyone!”

Life is full of  imperfect things and imperfect people

I am not the best at anything

I forget birthdays and anniversaries like any one else.
But what I have learned over the years is this

learning to accept each others faults and differences is one of the most important keys to a successful, growing and lasting  relationship

and that is my prayer for you today
that you take the good, the bad and the ugly parts of your life and lay them at the feet of God, because in the end He is the only One you will be able to give a relationship to where a burnt biscuit isn’t a deal breaker

we could extend this to any relationship
A parent and child, a sibling to a sibling, a husband and a wife!

or simply a friendship

“Don’t put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket, keep it in your own”

God bless you now and always….

And pass me a biscuit

my daughter sent this to me yesterday.
I don’t know where it came from but the message is quite good.
God is all-powerful and without Him life is empty
With Him everything is possible!!!
God Bless!

not just another day in paradise

we are approaching the middle of January already!
Where does the time go?
Seems like it flies by so swiftly.
Not sure why that is but I was once told the older I get the faster time flies.

Still don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining.
Anything that will bring me closer to Spring and warmer temperatures is fine by me.
I love winter.
I do.
I love the crisp cold mornings and the freshly fallen snow.
I love the way the state more or less comes to a grinding halt as we struggle through the frigid months that make up winter.
It isn’t my favorite season, in fact of the four it ranks fourth.
first is spring with a very closely almost tied second of fall, than summer although I do hate when it is hot and humid for days on end.
And last winter.

Today however it is supposed to get to 35 which in itself will seem like a day in paradise since we have suffered through freezing temperatures since before 2010 came into view.
It will be nice to see some of this snow melt.

 still I have no complaints.
I don’t even mind being at work today.
Because in being here, my family (especially my grand daughters) are healthy and life can continue as the norm.

Tomorrow my youngest son is turning 24.

Hard to believe but since I am aging quite quickly it is only expected that my children get older too.

Hope everyone has a great Wednesday
Peace and may the love of the Lord be with you each and every day!

sitting on go

ever feel like all you do is sit and wait?
I am at that feeling today.
I can’t wait for warmer weather.
I feel so boxed in and almost frantic with this cabin fever I have been experiencing of late.

I know spring is coming.
It is January after all and we have about two and a half if not three more months of winter before it will all start to thaw and the trees will start blooming again.

I’m also waiting for my son and his wife to find a place to live so I can have my house back.
Living with them is great in some ways but not so great in others.
The best part is I see my girls every day.
The worst part is living on top of each other.
I feel like I can’t even clean properly because everything is so congested and messy with their dogs, cat and their girls toys every where.
I don’t mean to complain.
I love my grandchildren more than I love my life, but it does get tiresome to have nowhere to go to get away from it all.

still I am trying to look on the bright side of things.
It is January, not October, so spring gets closer every day
And I do get to see my grand daughters every day, which is wonderful.

The Lord sees me through every day almost carrying me at times.
And I am very grateful for Him and all of my blessings.