Valentine’s weekend

here we are sitting on the Friday before Valentine’s day

I actually think, like Halloween I think Valentine’s day is a worthless holiday.
There is no point to it really.

If you can’t tell the person you love every day, that you love them, than why do you need a special day to say it?

It is another silly holiday that people spend a lot of money on

so unnecessary

invisible strings

as I sit here reflecting on my day and thinking about summer and warmer temperatures I have to say that the highest point of my day was two different things.
both affect my heart-strings and the overflowing love I have for my youngest daughter and my two younger grand daughters.

the first high point (it is a tie, but this one happened first)

was when my youngest daughter who is almost six months pregnant text me and was saying how her son was moving around inside of her so much that it looked like he was playing ping-pong in there.
It warmed me so much because for one thing, we were told my daughter may never be able to conceive like a normal woman does (look how wrong that doctor was!) and because this is her first child and therefore it is all refreshing and new to her.
Therefore I get to live it all over again in her.
it  is wonderful to be able to share the joy of motherhood with her.
My eldest child, aside from the fact that she has disowned me, will never have a child, so sharing all of this with my youngest child, is extra precious.

The second thing that happened today was when my grand daughters came home.
they both are thrilled to see me and I get hugs and smiles and just so much joy in being their nana that it is almost indescribable.

The invisible strings are there constantly when it comes to being a parent and grand parent.
those strings tug at my heart in every way and makes life a true blessing to live.
Thank you God for this good life I live

The more popular site

odd to me that this site is more popular than the one I write on every day

I know it has to do with my blogs on Costa Rica and Mt Everest because those are the two highest hit sites

my other site I write in faithfully and I went two days this week and no one even checked in.
Quite depressing.
And while I know I don’t have a whole hell of a lot to say, it is still nice to see people check in once and a while and read me.

what to do?

ever get to a point in your life when you are at a crossroads and wondering which direction to go?
I am  there this week

I want to go one way but feel like other things force me to go a different direction.
It is frustrating and hard to deal with at times.

do I do what I want or what I should do?
do I throw caution to the wind and take a chance?

I know only I can make this decision and only I will have to live with it.
But I’m still floundering…..wondering which way to go???

wanderlust

I have had the wanderlust of late.
I think it is mostly because I have cancelled three vacations in the last six months and it depresses me.
I’ve canceled them because I have felt the money would be better spent elsewhere than on a vacation.
however my head and heart hurt because I feel like I need a vacation.
Does that make sense?
It does to me.

I would love to be able to just pack up and go some place warmer.
The Virgin Islands come to mind.

I would like to go over seas to Africa

Or even go to Haiti and  help out there however I could.

Just to go some place and spend some time away from the hum drum mundane existence of every day life.

Damn why can’t I be rich?

where to find the guts……

My niece had the guts to walk away from her marriage and take a path to do something different with her life.

I heard through the grapevine that another niece and her husband are separating.

And I wonder, where do they find the guts to just up root their lives and their families to do what they feel like they need to do?

I would even go so far as to say “Don’t they have a conscience?” but I am not judging and I honestly believe that every one has a right to be happy no matter what they have to do or who they end up hurting  to get that happiness.
We all only live once.

however I do wonder where people get the guts to put themselves first?
sometimes I wish I had that kind of back bone, or more simply,……the guts to put me first.

for some reason I just feel like if I put me first, everyone would hate me in the long run.
And I’m not sure I know how to just be me, without putting my kids and grand kids first.

So yeah, I’m a wimp, a person who will let life pass her by, because I am too worried about who I would be if not for a wife, a mother and grandmother.

?????

Back among the living

Ugh, I have had a miserable couple of days.
Went to get a tooth pulled on Tuesday, (talk about painful) and then got a bad reaction to the codeine they put me on for pain.
It was worse than getting the tooth pulled.
Got up yesterday morning to take a shower, had to sit down on the bathtub floor and go through the motion of having dry heaves for a few minutes.
Got out and barely got dressed in to my bra and underpants and was back in bed, willing myself to slip into unconsciousness so I could get rid of the light-headedness and nausea.
I was sick all day with it.
Every time I moved I was nausated and every time I got up I felt like I was going to faint.
SO sick.
Thank God today I am better.
I still get light headed now and then, but nothing compared to yesterday.
I am happy to say I am at work and among the living again.

I’m just going to say it

I honestly don’t know how people do it in Seattle and other cities where the sun rarely shines.
It is depressing.
I was driving home the other day in a bad mood and yes even feeling depressed and I thought to myself, what the heck is the matter?
And I realized, I haven’t seen the sun in days.
Weeks
And it is depressing.
Too much so.
I NEED sunshine!
I need to feel the warmth it brings.
I am like everyone else in Iowa very sick of winter.
Maybe one day I will get to vacation like a snow bird and go south for these long depressing winters.

above

this is a picture of myself when I was in Utah last April with my husband and daughter.
We were at the Arches National Park.
It was beautiful there and incredibly warm
I plan to go back this April with my sister.
I can’t wait!!!

I need some sunshine

we have been living under clouds for some time now.
Too long.
I literally feel like my body is slowly turning into a zombie with no sunlight.
I thrive on the sun.
I will stand or sit in front of a window on a freezing cold Iowa winter day, just to get some sunlight if I am lucky enough to have the sun shining.
We haven’t had much luck with it of late.
I think it has been over a week since the sun peeked through the clouds.
Very depressing.
This ice and cold today isn’t helping it either.

Darn it.