hello world

well I have exercised the last two days and my daughter will be working until eight tonight so if we exercise it will have to be after that.
Right now I don’t care if  I exercise or not because I’m tired and hot.
However I felt so good last night after we exercised that I will probably have to force myself to do it tonight but I’m sure I will be happy when it is done.

I want to lose weight.

I actually had a guy at work today tell me….”You are a walking beauty”  I just shook my head like he was crazy and kept on walking.
He always has to say something dumb like that.
So I just let it roll off of me like..whatever….
I know it isn’t true so…..

anyway it is nice to know someone thinks I’m attractive but that isn’t why I’m exercising.
I am doing it, one to help Emily lose weight and two, I want to lose weight and feel better for my own self.
So….hopefully I will have the energy to exercise at eight pm.
I will keep you posted.

spur of the moment things……

my youngest sister emailed me this afternoon and wants to get together for supper.
now I haven’t seen this person in over a year and she doesn’t want to meet with anyone but me…..which is nice in itself but I have to say I hate the spur of the moment of it.
I came home to clean up and get my grand daughter and have to go back in and that alone is a pain because with gas prices as they are it is a pain to drive back in again.
But for her I will do it.
I dont’ know how  to tell people, I would like a bit of a notice.
I often get asked to do things on the spur of the moment and I have to say I don’t like it.
I want to  have things planned.
I am a planner……

still….I haven’t  seen Wanda in over a year so it will be nice to see her.

worries and wisdom

well I was told today that my eldest sister is suffering with her depression again and hasn’t been to work these last few days.
I wonder about her and I worry too.
She has lived in the past for years, and I do mean years, she can’t let go of things and can only talk about the past and her pain.
I wish I could just get her to snap out of it, but of course it isn’t my pain and I probably dont’ understand it as well as I should.
but according to one of my other sisters, my oldest sister is really depressed and it is serious.

so yes I worry about her.

I wonder why she can’t over come all of this pain.
I wonder how she can’t forget about the past and dwell on what the future holds.
I have my own ideas about why she can’t get past these problems and I may or may not be right.
I think she can’t over come the past because then she has no reason for her life to turn out the way it has.
She is unhappy, alone and in dept and she has to blame it on something.
IT can’t be her own bad decisions.
So therefore she has to dwell in the past and blame everything on her depression.

but again that is only my opinion and I could totally be wrong.

time to go sweat

exercise time.
I need to get back in shape.
I weigh 211.4 and I need to get down to at least 190

that is my goal by January 1st.
I actually need to get to 165 again, but I will be content with 190 IF I can do it.
So it is time to go sweat and get started on that weight loss.
Wish me luck.

hugs

how I love a good hug.
there are the kind of hugs you give someone when you say goodbye to them, or hello in many cases.
There are hugs that are a way of comforting someone, but the hugs that are the best is when someone you love, hugs you and lets you know when they hug you that you are important to them.

Keira left a little bit ago, and I squatted down to tell her goodbye, and I opened my arms for my hug and she walked right in to my arms, wrapped her arms around my neck and lay her head on my shoulder for her hug.
There is nothing quite like a hug from her.
She is growing up so fast and she is in and out of my arms in a second or two, ready to do something else.
But I treasure hugs like that.

There are also hugs from your lover, which can be wonderful and content all in one.
There are hugs from your children or sibling that says they care.

All hugs are a wonderful thing.
And I’m a very lucky woman to be on the recieving end of so many hugs.

am I abnormal?

I have been off of work for the last nine days and I’m very ready to go back to work.
Does that make me abnormal?

I can’t explain it except to say I feel better when I have a set time to going to bed, to getting up

I feel better when I am more active physically instead of this laying around or bumming and not working.
Oh I work around the house a bit, doing dishes, vaccuming, cleaning the bathroom, but it isn’t the physical work I do when I’m at work.
And while my back appreciates the time off to recoup, I don’t feel well and I know it has to do with too many lazy days in a row, not doing any physical work.

So I wonder, out there in this big old world, do others feel the way I do?
Or am I abnormal because I want to go back to work instead of sitting around and home and being a bum?

missing the internet

while I was on vacation, I missed not having my laptop and the internet.
I didn’t take it with me because the motel we were staying at didn’t offer the internet….and I don’t have the little piece of equipment that enables me to have wireless where ever I go.
I have it at home, but not in a way to take it with me.

so while I was away from my computer…….I have to say I admit it, I missed my computer.
and that is hard for me to say.

generations…………

my grand daughter Mirielle just told me I was looking very pretty today.
How sweet that was huh?
I don’t feel pretty.
I just mowed half of our lawn and am sweaty and sticky.
But it was nice of her to say that to me.

She told me that her Nana…..her mother’s mother, Mirielle’s grandmother, told Mirielle the other day that Mirielle looked “Snazzy”  and Mirielle said to me just now……”that wasn’t very nice of Nana was it?”
And I told her that snazzy was a good word.
That it meant she looked nice, or pretty, or cute…..

Mirielle thought it was an insult.

which is funny to me that she would take it that way.
Like her Nana would insult her.
??
But she is constantly thinking and analyzing and trying to figure things out.
She is a smart four year old and I have told her that quite often.
IT was funny to me that a word, Snazzy from my generation would come to be a word that my grand daughter would ask about, at four years old.

When Emily was still in school she had a open quiz where the teacher asked the class different questions about rock music groups or country groups from his time.
Emily won the quiz because she knew the answer to every question.
Because she said of the music she grew up with, that Rick and I listened to, she knew the answers.
Another generation gap, or linc from one generation to the other.
 

I don’t know if that happens often where a child can learn from what his parents knew like Emily did about our choices of music.
She said alot of the kids in her class didn’t have a clue to what the teacher was talking about because they just don’t interact with their parents in the way Emily did with music.

I think it is sad that we can’t pass more down from one generation to the other…..when we all have so much to learn, to share and maybe even still teach from one generation to another.

if only we would open our eyes and learn and listen.

Paradise, truelly

I just returned from three full days in the Florida sand and surf.
It was beautiful to the point of feeling like a slice of Heaven as I watched the waves pull in and push out.
It was something I can’t get in Iowa but have to visit.
My sister says she lives in Paradise living in Florida…..and while I don’t entirely agree with her, when I was soaking up the rays of the sunshine state and relaxing and just enjoying my vacation I thought, okay…..maybe this is paradise.

I love the four seasons……..I love Spring, Summer, Fall and even though I don’t love winter I do love the holidays that can only be present in that time of year.

I would miss them all if I moved to Florida or anywhere else where there wasn’t snow.
I find when I am sitting in the summer sun, that I think of winter and the holidays…..

when it is cold and snowy and we are freezing and bundling up….I yearn for the summer warmth.

Every season can be its own paradise.
But for those three days in Florida…..I would have to say I found a paradise there.

alone time, where did it go?

As I have voiced several times I need my alone time.
I not only need it, I crave it.
I look forward to those times when I can just go off by myself and regroup, recharge, find my own inner peace.
I haven’t had that in quite a while, but I crave it none the less.

Rick and I went on vacation this last week and not once did I have any alone time.
It got to where I was getting irratible because I didn’t have any time alone.

Yesterday while suffering through the ten hours in Atlanta I was anything but alone, even if I would go walking by myself I was surronded by other people

Today is Saturday and my children come to visit nearly every Saturday so again no alone time.

I will have it on Monday morning when I go back to work.
For the first three hours of my day.
After that Tom will be there and we will work on making the school presentable for school starting in twenty four days.

He is going on vacation August 2nd, for ten days and that will give me more alone time, which I look forward to very much.

maybe it has something to do with being older.
Maybe the older a person gets the more they appreciate the simplier things so therefore being alone helps bring that time to present.

all I know for sure is I crave mine and it seemes fleeting at the present.
Something I need and want, I can’t have and maybe that makes me miss it all the more?