my Friday night

well I guess we are watching the baby tonight while her parents go out to eat and to a movie.
Then we are going to eat Hawkeye pizza with Brian and Mirielle and then watch “Live Free and Die Hard” on the big screen here at home.
Still forcasting a snow storm but it sounds like it will all be done with on Sunday and that means we will have school Monday.

ahh well…such is life.

I don’t want to do this anymore

ever feel like that?
Ever just wish you could check out of your life and do something different?
I get that way sometimes.
These last twenty four hours I have felt like that.
Just wish for something different.
A different life, a different job….a different me.
Yes I know it is a bit of depression to feel this way.
I know that…..and luckily I don’t feel this way often, but I do today.
I just don’t want to live this life I’m living anymore.
But I realize I don’t have a choice because I would hurt so many people if I just up and walked away.
And my  conscience won’t let me do that.

ice/sleet/snow

well they are predicting a snow storm for Iowa this weekend.
Ice and sleet on Saturday and snow on Sunday.
Isn’t that fun??????
Channel 2 said last night that we could get six to ten inches of snow.
I was thinking, “Yeah right, you guys don’t know what you are talking about”
In a way I think it would be cool.
I would love love love to have a blizzard where it closed down everything and I couldn’t make it to work.

But I doubt that will happen.

we probably will get a couple of inches and that will be that.
But snow is coming definitely.
Don’t you wish you were here Kathy?????

a choice……

I was once told that happiness is a state of mind.
And while I believe that to a certain degree, circumstances can make or break someone.

choices that someone makes and can’t get out of once they are made, can make or break someone’s state of mind.
Choices someone else might make for you can have the same affect.

And while I try and find the best in everything once in a while I can’t or seem like I can’t…..

and that is just a bummer all the way around.

talking to the wall

I try and discuss bills and my hating to get a second job with my husband and I get nothing from him.
no comment, nothing.
It is like I’m not even talking.
It has been going on like this for months.
I try to talk about bills and he makes no comments.
It is like I’m talking to the wall.
He said once he won’t look for a second job but if one comes up he will take it.
Like someone is going to knock on his door and offer him a job.

Feel like I’m struggling and drowning in this dept all by myself.

job interview

I have a job interview tomorrow evening at five at Sears at the Coral Ridge Mall.

I hate the thought of working a second job but I can’t keep going on this way.
Bills get further and further behind because I can’t pay them.
Hate it.
Ugh.
So I just have to buckle down and work a second job until I can get my head above water again.
Ugh.

sick baby

Keira is sick with the flu and is her father.
She was puking every hour on the hour last night but hasn’t puked but once today.
I hate to see her sick.
Poor baby.

she just looks miserable and whines and fusses and I feel so bad for her because you just can’t do anything for her.

nothing new

well I wish I had something exciting to share but alas I don’t.
Just the same old same old here.
Paula is here and I haven’t had a chance to talk to her yet.
Not sure what is up with her.
I will get a chance as soon as Tonyia leaves.

Spent a few hours with Wanda yesterday which was great because she is so much like my mom, it is just nice to be around her.

she is still up in arms about the selling of the farm or not selling it and what they will do or not do if it sells or doesn’t sell.
She is a worrier and it is funny to listen to her and even though her worries are real to her, to me it all seems pretty simplistic.

I love listening to her and I love being a sounding board for her, but I look at her life and I think “lady you have it made” and of course she doesn’t know it.
She lives on a farm where she can roam over 300 acers and has no job to speak of except being a mother to her children.
it is a thankless job I realize and she doesn’t get paid for it and I understand her frustrations with all of it, but I envy her simplistic life.

I know she has dreams and ideas and has a husband who is pretty much the most simple man alive and has no need for the frivioulous things in life…..but….she does have a pretty good life.
I think she just gets bored and lonely and therefore like mom use to get, becomes a dreamer.

I love her dearly though and wouldn’t trade her for anything.

Other then my visit with her, the weekend was pretty ho hum, and nothing exciting really happened.
I was sick so therefore we really didn’t do much.
But it was nice having four days off even if we didn’t do anything.

I do have a job interview at five pm on Thursday at Sears, so that is something I guess.
Since I NEED the money

can’t even pay all my bills anymore.
Just too many and not enough money.

But….enough already, right?

another Monday

well it is one more Monday down and almost over.
Work was alright, nothing too exciting.
A teacher got bad news about her brother dying and I talked to her and she said he just retired and was 66, she had a massive heartache and died quickly.
so she will be out of school for the rest of the week.
I feel for her because it is tough to lose a family member.
Luckily I haven’t lost one yet.
Sibling I mean.

Work was work, boring and I can say I’m tired of cleaning up after kids who can’t seem to hit the toilet.

But it is my job.
I applied on line to Sears and have a job interview on Thursday at five pm.
Am looking forward to it.
Hopefully it will work out.
I NEED money.
Desperately.

other then that it was the same old Monday.
It really doesn’t change much.

fires in California

how sad and how horrific that the fires are raging again in California.

just goes to show you it doesn’t matter how rich one is, something as simple as a fire can destroy their homes like it could mine.
The last fire was started by a boy.
Weather intentional or not, I’m not sure because I don’t remember hearing but here we are again, with the fires raging again.
how sad.