waiting on……

I have been off of work for almost a half an hour and we are waiting on the kids before we go out to eat.
Seems like we are always waiting.
Amazing to me how things tend to be this way

the kids think we live and breathe them  or so it seems.
they make plans and then they ask us to wait for them so they can join us, when it was their idea to go out to eat to begin with.

I guess we are the ones at fault since we always end up waiting for them.

did I mention how much I hate waiting on people????

I’m in the future according to my internet?????

I have written ten blogs tonight!!!
Count them ten!!!!!
and six of them are dated as if I was writing on August 30th 2008

which is today and I am writing them today!!!

the last four  said I wrote them on August 31st 2008

and the odd thing is August 31st isn’t here for four hours and twenty four minutes yet.
isn’t that strange?????

my internet must be fast forwarding in to the future??????
HELLO?????
Does it have a life of it’s own that I don’t know about????

maybe baby

“maybe baby I’ll have you,

maybe baby I’ll be true……”

odd that this little bit of this oldie keeps running through my head.
???

I love oldies but the dang radio stations don’t  play  the really good oldies any more.
oh 100.7 plays some, but not nearly enough.

anyone know the words to “Maybe Baby”?

self preservation

I told a friend of mine just the other day about my need to have self preservation.
I need things to go a certain way and I need people to think a certain way about me.
And I NEED to take care of my needs above others for my own well being.
although I rarely do put myself above my children or husband

Isn’t that what self preservation is all about?
Doing what one needs to get through all of this?

I have become more of a loner as time goes on.

I have desires to just take off and vacation some place all by myself.
Is that odd?

of course I doubt if I can do it because that would hurt too many feelings but it is a desire of mine.

but in many ways I feel like I Need it for my self preservation.

KEIRA is my main source of self preservation right now.
I need that child like I Need air to breathe.
She keeps me grounded as my children once did.
She keeps me looking to the future and wanting to be there to watch her grow.

I sometimes think I’m a little off that I have to find things to keep me grounded.
I will always have a desire to run away.
I’m not sure why that is.
IS that something to do with my mother?
And her dreams and always wanting something she couldn’t have?

But my desire to run away lays dormat most of the time.
That is why Keira keeps me grounded

If she wasn’t here I’m not sure where I would be….

I know deep down my dear Lord has given me many blessings and I have no right to be unhappy.
And still I am more times then not of late.
not sure why but it is true none the less.
Do I share this with my husband and children.
no, why would I?
it would just hurt them
And since they never read my blogs I don’t have to worry about them getting hurt.

I sometimes think of my mother and her depression.
or my oldest child and the years she has suffered with depression

I think of my oldest sister, my sister Cyndi, even Kathy and Wanda have had their bouts of depression,
And I think, yes this might be my problem too

even my youngest son has had bouts of depression.

So I know this need to have things that keep me grounded could be because I have a bit of depression.
Or it could just be my mother in me and my desire to run and dream an elusive dream like she always did???

do I sound as messed up as I feel?

does this grate on your nerves?

I have a few things that grate on my nerves

one is:  someone else typing on a keyboard.
It doesn’t bother me when I do it but if I’m in a room with someone who is typing on a key board it grates on my nerves.
Like fingernails on a chalkboard YUCK!!!!

two is:  someone not chewing with their mouths closed.
How do you tell them without them getting their feelings hurt how annoying that is?

three: whiny children
do I need to say more?

Four:  loud obnoxious people
Do they not know that the rest of us do not want to know their problems?

Five:  people talking in a movie
STOP TALKING!!!!

six:  slow drivers
Okay maybe they are a bit more safe on the road then a fast driver but come on, get in the slow lane if you are going to drive slow

seven:  when I’m doing something and someone comes a long and either takes over, or re does what I was just doing.

eight:  terrible music

nine:  people who throw money down on the counter at me instead of handing it to me when I’m working at my second job

and TEN:  stupid people who think they are better then I am.

why can’t we all just be respectful and nice to each other??????

this is just a dream

I dreamt the other night that my mother was alive.
Odd because she has passed away sixteen years ago and I don’t  always think of her every day anymore.
However in my dream, she was living in an assisted living home and I had to go to work really early one morning (3 am) and she had to watch Keira for me.
Keira didn’t know her so she cried the whole time and my mother ended up calling me at work to tell me to come and get Keira because she wasn’t doing anything but crying.
So I had to tell my boss Shirley that I had to quit because I needed to be with my grand daughter.
The job I was working at was one I had fifteen years ago.
A cook in a nursing home.

Weird huh?
I woke up and thought how insane is that dream?
I told my sister Cyndi about it and we got to talking about dreams one day via email.
Odd the things we dream.
I dream nearly every night because I wake up thinking about them.
I don’t always remember them once I’m up for a minute or two but some of them seem so dang real.
Like this one with my mom

Oh yeah, and in the dream she told me Keira was spoiled rotten.
I took great offense to that.
I  mean, maybe she is…..but she is my grand daughter and no one, not even my mother  coming back alive to me in a dream can criticize my Keira.

I love

I love little baby pups, old classic cars, sunrises and sunsets, my grand daughter Keira, my children, their significant others/or spouses, my husband, my friend Sandy, cool mornings, spring, fall and winter, cool summer days…..

puffy clouds, my siblings…reading, writing (if I could always be in the writing mood) Mirielle and I love being in love.

I love to shop when I have the money, I love a really good movie, I love (okay am rather crazy about) Brad Pitt,  I love well behaved children, romantic walks, the ocean, the mountains……lakes below the mountains….
I love my alone time….and I just love being positive and being in a good mood.

sorry sis

I don’t know how often my sister Kathy visits my blog site.
She use to comment on nearly everything I wrote but she hasn’t for a long time, so I don’t know if she even reads them any more?
However she hates the theme I have now.
Not sure why she hates it but I have always loved it.
So soft and mellow.
I have always changed it because she never liked it but since I do like it so well I think I will keep it for a while.
Sorry sis

odd and not very content

the last two weekends we haven’t had our baby girl on Friday nights.
Tonight we don’t have her either.
And I miss our time with her.
WE get her tomorrow night but I wish she was here right now.
She is my sunshine, my sanity, my reason for wanting to get through every day.
She is my little love bug and I miss her greatly.

I did see her earlier today but it wasn’t enough.
She saw me and yelled “NANA’S HERE!”  and I got out of my car and she said “HI NANA!!! I SEE YOU!!!” and gave me a huge hug.

How I adore that child.
Thank you again dear Lord for this precious addition to my family
Amen.

NO ONE WRITE FRIGGING BLOGS ANYMORE!!!!!

it is quite annoying to me how I can faithfully write at least one blog a day and my family can go days, sometimes weeks (Emily!!!)  without writing a blog.
What is with that?
AND I am beginning to think that no one reads mine anymore because no one comments on them.

Do I sound like I’m feeling sorry for myself.
Sorry, but it is irritating to check people’s blogs daily to find once again no one has written.