I actually think, like Halloween I think Valentine’s day is a worthless holiday.
There is no point to it really.

If you can’t tell the person you love every day, that you love them, than why do you need a special day to say it?

It is another silly holiday that people spend a lot of money on

so unnecessary

the first high point (it is a tie, but this one happened first)

was when my youngest daughter who is almost six months pregnant text me and was saying how her son was moving around inside of her so much that it looked like he was playing ping-pong in there.
It warmed me so much because for one thing, we were told my daughter may never be able to conceive like a normal woman does (look how wrong that doctor was!) and because this is her first child and therefore it is all refreshing and new to her.
Therefore I get to live it all over again in her.
it  is wonderful to be able to share the joy of motherhood with her.
My eldest child, aside from the fact that she has disowned me, will never have a child, so sharing all of this with my youngest child, is extra precious.

The second thing that happened today was when my grand daughters came home.
they both are thrilled to see me and I get hugs and smiles and just so much joy in being their nana that it is almost indescribable.

The invisible strings are there constantly when it comes to being a parent and grand parent.
those strings tug at my heart in every way and makes life a true blessing to live.
Thank you God for this good life I live

I know it has to do with my blogs on Costa Rica and Mt Everest because those are the two highest hit sites

my other site I write in faithfully and I went two days this week and no one even checked in.
Quite depressing.
And while I know I don’t have a whole hell of a lot to say, it is still nice to see people check in once and a while and read me.

I want to go one way but feel like other things force me to go a different direction.
It is frustrating and hard to deal with at times.

do I do what I want or what I should do?
do I throw caution to the wind and take a chance?

I know only I can make this decision and only I will have to live with it.
But I’m still floundering…..wondering which way to go???

Or even go to Haiti and  help out there however I could.

Just to go some place and spend some time away from the hum drum mundane existence of every day life.

Damn why can’t I be rich?

I heard through the grapevine that another niece and her husband are separating.

And I wonder, where do they find the guts to just up root their lives and their families to do what they feel like they need to do?

I would even go so far as to say “Don’t they have a conscience?” but I am not judging and I honestly believe that every one has a right to be happy no matter what they have to do or who they end up hurting  to get that happiness.
We all only live once.

however I do wonder where people get the guts to put themselves first?
sometimes I wish I had that kind of back bone, or more simply,……the guts to put me first.

for some reason I just feel like if I put me first, everyone would hate me in the long run.
And I’m not sure I know how to just be me, without putting my kids and grand kids first.

So yeah, I’m a wimp, a person who will let life pass her by, because I am too worried about who I would be if not for a wife, a mother and grandmother.

?????

Darn it.