Archive for December, 2012


no piggy back riding on my back

my sour mood has lifted.
I am over the blues

I have a lot to be thankful for and I just need to keep all of that in mind.
I can and will be better than the blues

the devil is not going to piggy back on me.
🙂

quitting time?

I’ve made a few changes, I am trying to do better.
I need to improve greatly

I know all of this.

I am not the woman I want to be.
not by a long shot

the real me, the one inside where no one sees, is slowly fading away

I’ve lost all the luster to continue

there is no hope for that woman anyway.

no one wants her to be who she really is.

I wear a mask, and fake it.

oh don’t get me wrong.

90% of the time I am fine with hiding away the real me.
90% of the time

the other 10% I am sure is the devil trying to play havoc on me anyway.

But sometimes I do wonder……when will I get to be me?

even though I already know that answer………

never

to be or not to be

sometimes I wonder if I put it all on myself, or if the struggle is really there and I am just ignoring it?
sometimes I feel like it would be best to try something else

but unfortunately for me, I am not a fan of failing.

I figure if I do my best than that is all I can do right?
But what if that other element doesn’t do it’s best?
there is no giving, just a bunch of taking

and it leaves me feeling drained and empty

it leaves me wondering “isn’t there more than this?”

unfortunately, there are no promises that it would be better going the other route

there are no promises of anything.

I just wish that other element could be more loving and caring…….